


Only in dreams//Always in a nightmare

by Hammy9000



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bittersweet, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:53:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26842432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hammy9000/pseuds/Hammy9000
Summary: Only in dreams can he reconcile with Jack. He doesn’t want to wake up, for he is always in a nightmare awake. A nightmare in which Jack’s heart will never beat again.
Relationships: Reaper | Gabriel Reyes/Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	1. Only in dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again! It's your fic-writing hamster Hammy back at it again with another one! I'm terribly sorry that I had to chop this one up into chapters, but I REALLY REALLY wanted to get this part out first while I finish and polish up the rest of it. Again, much love and gratitude to my awesome friend Divergent for supporting me and being my beta-reader. Also, many thanks to you, the frankly AMAZING community for reading and leaving so many kind words on my last work. Please be reminded that this one might be a little bit on the darker side (I wish I am successful in doing so). That said, I hope you'd also enjoy this one!

“Jack, you _know_ it’s a trap, and you’re just going to walk right into it?” Ana snarled.

“Well, it’s not like I haven’t done it before.” Jack sighs,

“Why can’t you just stop being so stubborn and just let this one go? You have a lot of other opportunities, chances where I can watch your back!”

“Every opportunity is important. I can’t just pretend there’s no useful info!” Jack says, “Ana, I’ll be fine. Trust me. You can still go to visit Fareeha, I’ll be fine on my own. I promise.”

“Please, just… Be safe, Jack.” Ana finally says in defeat, before leaving the room as Jack prepares for his solo mission.

-

An abandoned warehouse in Dorado, traces of past Talon activity, dig out useful intel… It’s the usual, just like the other countless times. Soldier: 76 just don’t understand why Ana has insisted on him passing on this one. For all he knows this is just another simple mission. Easy in, easy out.

Well, it could only be so easy when he sees the familiar black smoke.

Bashing the butt of his gun on Reaper’s head, black smoke re-coalescing into a humanoid figure before sharp claws dig at the soldier’s body. It’s the usual, just like the other countless times. Soldier: 76 just don’t understand why fighting each other has grown so natural to them. Aiming to harm, shooting to kill.

Or, at the very least, tries to kill. Because saying that you wants someone dead is by no means actually shooting him down and killing him. And Jack knows. Deep down, he is not sure whether he would actually kill Reaper, even though he fully understands that the other does not feel the same way and would not hesitate to kill.

Jack really wants to know what goes on in Gabriel’s head. Thousands of different ways he can spark a conversation. But at this point, he fully understands that conversations will never help. So he’ll keep them to himself because what’s going on is better left unsaid. And this thought, the thought of their love that can never be rekindled is what hurts more. Every fracture of his broken heart hurts more than any physical damage Reaper has ever done.

-

Reaper hates it here. He never does scouting missions. If it weren’t because of the Talon board being so insistent on assigning him on this mission, he would have never come. At least the board, in their benevolence, let him do this mission solo. _What a waste of time_ , he thought. All he wants is to finish this short mission and go back.

This mission can only be so quick if it weren’t for a certain boy scout who decided to show up. It was so natural, like being on auto-pilot - locating the soldier and tackling him. There were times when he questioned himself about how he really felt. Of course, the most obvious would be the bitterness of betrayal, the unbearable agony. But deep down, he knows, that it’s their irreparable relationship that was once so passionate and sweet that hurts the most. The daggers in his un-beating heart are more painful than anything else.

Who knew a broken heart was so contagious?

Their fight always ends bloodily and messily. No, not really. Because their fight never ends. Well, this time, it’s a wholly shattered visor, exposing the soldier’s pale eyes that’s the result of years of abuse and the rest of his scarred face. On the other hand, it was a half-shattered bone-white mask. They paused simultaneously. Even as enemies, they worked so unanimously. Why oh why are they on opposite ends?

“Can’t catch up with age, Boy Scout?” Reaper said, meaning for the tone to be menacing, but came out as at most teasing. _Oops_.

This has undoubtedly shocked Jack, who pulled an extremely subtle smile, before opening his mouth to throw something back.

Mouth half open, that’s when Jack realise there was a sharp yet quiet beeping tone that is going off faster and faster behind him. Realisation rushed through him and that’s when he summoned all his strength in his body, concentrating them onto his hands, and pushing Reaper back as far as possible.

Reaper was half expecting the soldier to say something back. Something along the line of “I thought you were older than me” and “Says the one who also needs a quick water break”, what he was not expecting was him being pushed back with an unimaginable amount of force, like being shoved back by a rhino. What he didn’t expect more was the loud bang and the light that followed, like a supernova, quickly expanding, before engulfing the soldier and dominating his vision with blinding yellow light.

-

Rays of yellow sunlight shine through the curtain and hit Gabriel’s eyelids.

“Wake up!”

“Wake uuupp!”

“Gabe!”

Gabriel feels dizzy, the sunlight getting a bit unbearable. So that... was a dream? He groans, feeling the minor headache from such a disorienting experience.

“Gabe! I made breakfast, and if you don’t get up from your ass right now I’ll eat it all!” Gabriel will always be able to recognise that voice. The voice that belonged to one certain loving and charming blond.

“Jack...?” Gabriel said hesitantly.

“What has gotten into you? You usually don’t sleep like a pig,” Jack mumbled while pulling on the sheets, before grabbing his right hand and getting him up.

The enormous and contagious smile on Jack’s face is radiating enthusiasm and joy. This absolutely warmed Gabriel heart, as he also wore a smile on his face. He slowly got up with Jack’s help and headed to the bathroom.

“Be quick Gabe, I made pancakes. I threw in some dark chocolate, I know it’s your favourite.” Jack excitedly said, while giving him a small wink.

“Got it, golden boy.” He happily replied...

Sitting at the dining table, Jack swiftly prepared a plate piled with several pancakes with molten chocolate visible on the surface. He can’t wait to dig in and indulge himself with the lovely roasted goodness.

“Syrup, Gabe?” Jack kindly asks.

“Sure, but nothing is as sweet as you,” Gabriel replied with a smirk on his face.

Jack chuckled as he quickly turned his face, obviously trying to hide his blush.

But then a few seconds later, Jack turned his face back to Gabriel. His face expressionless, eyes much paler than before.

“Wake up.” He deadpanned.

“Wh-what?” Gabriel silently said, confusion dominating his tone.

“Wake up.”

“ _Wake up_.”

And then a blinding white light took over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of this work will be posted shortly! (hopefully, I still need to spend a lot of time on my thesis)


	2. Always in a nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got some time to finish this one. And I’m so excited to finally get the rest of this out. Writing it has been a blast. I promised fluff, so here it is. SMASH that like button if you like seeing sappy old men crying and hugging ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ Again, I hope you’ll enjoy the rest of this!

Reaper feels dizzy, the disorientation getting more and more unbearable. He slowly gains back his vision. The wreaked building, collapsed walls, crackling fire. Nothing that hadn’t seen before. In fact, a lot of the times, he was the one responsible for the sheer destruction. He started to feel the familiar pain coming back online. But this time, it’s much worse, as he discovered that his body is now a slump of black mass. The explosion was so powerful that it was able to disintegrate him.

Then he remembered, remembered the look on Jack’s face from what felt like hours ago. A meticulous blend of anxiety, of fear, of peace, of determination, of farewell.

Panicking, Reaper quickly scanned the surrounding, turning his head around and around, looking for something, looking for him.

He looked and looked. Finally, he saw him on the ground quite far away. The shockwave must have harshly knocked him away. Instinctively, he rushed to Jack, who is lifelessly laying on the ground there like a rag doll. A jacket which used to be vibrantly coloured now covered in grey ash and burn mark. Reaper dropped on his knees, grabbed him and held him close.

“Get up.” His quietly said with his rough voice.

“Get up.”

No response.

“GET UP! You can’t die! The only way you die will be me.”

Nothing.

Shaky hands met Jack’s neck, checking for a pulse that’s not there.

Swelling eyes locked at Jack’s chest, looking for the slightest of movements that’s also not there.

“Jack! Please! Wake up...”

Lifeless eyes stare up at him, body lump and unmoving, all indicating something that he already knew, but wished to be untrue.

That’s what he wanted isn’t it? For his arch-nemesis to die. Now he dies, possibly a painful and unexpected death even. As much as he wants to answer yes, deep down, he knows the true answer.

He still have a lot he wanted to tell Jack, that even after their fall out, he still longed for him, that even after everything, his love for Jack is like a terminal disease, it can only be suppressed, not cured. It would only take a little encouragement, for him to initiate their much-needed conversation, to clear the bad blood before it’s too late. And now it is too late.

If only an “I’m sorry” could travel across space and time. If only an “I love you” could reach the afterlife.

He can’t think straight anymore. Mind completely numb, body unable to move. He fumbled through Jack’s gear and took out his communicator and sent an emergency ping to Ana. He closed Jack’s eyes and disappeared into the night.

-

Gabriel’s eyes slowly opened as his nose was stimulated by a mix of different smells, all very fragrant and makes him hungry. As his vision cleared, he saw a TV showing some sort of drama show and a small rectangular coffee table in front of it. Seems like he fell asleep on the sofa. Distantly, he hears chopping sounds from the kitchen. He slowly got up before walking wearily to the kitchen to see what the cooking is about.

As he stepped into the kitchen, he saw someone with a perfectly golden coloured hair in a grey hoodie and black sweatpants wearing a blue apron. He already knows who he is, yet he felt like this is too good to be true. Still, he wanted to savour every moment of it.

Before he could call out Jack’s name, Jack turned and paused for a brief moment, as if he did not expect Gabriel to be standing there in the kitchen. But after that, he immediately put on his gorgeous smile that he will never grow tired of.

“Got up from your beauty sleep?” Jack chuckled as he said.

“Yeah, but why are you making a feast?” Gabriel wanted to come back with a clever reply, but he can’t help but ask about the different dishes, that Jack most probably made himself, everywhere in the kitchen. From a beautifully roasted steak to some piping hot mashed potato.

“Wow asked the birthday boy. Seriously? It’s your birthday today, Gabe. And since nobody would want to celebrate with the big angry Commander Reyes, I figured that I’d take matters into my own hands and cook you a proper birthday dinner!” Jack said with enthusiasm bleeding through his tone.

Gabriel looked at Jack, completely stunned, he doesn’t know what to say, as he continued to stare at him.

“What’s wrong?” Jack said, sounding a little bit worried.

“Nothing, I... just wanted to look at you”

It earned another chuckle from Jack. “Too bad, I just realised I am missing an ingredient for the dessert. It’s a milkshake—my recipe. You’re gonna love it. It’s called The 76.” Jack said, and he laughed a little after saying out the name of the milkshake. He then turned away and started to walk towards the door and leave.

76... 76... _Soldier: 76_. That’s the moment Gabriel realise everything was merely a dream. Dread filled him as he remembered what happened.

“Jack!” He shouted out, hurt filling his tone. The loud shout undoubtedly caused Jack to be taken by surprise, as he stopped, still facing Gabriel with his back.

“Jack...” Tears build up in his eyes.

Jack turned back and immediately closed the distance between them.

“Jack... Stay, even for just a bit. Don’t leave”. He is undoubtedly crying now.

Jack’s eyes are also getting red, and he reached a hand out and rested it on Gabriel’s cheek.

“J-Jack.” He is nothing more than a sobbing mess.

Jack wiped away Gabriel’s tear with his thumb while giving him a warm smile.

“Jack...” It’s all he manages to say before white filled his vision.

-

Reaper jolted upright from his bed in his safe house. His eyes feel sore from all the crying he’s done since that night. Ever since then, he has always had these types of dreams whenever he closes his eyes. Dreams that are detailed in a painful way. Dreams that are detailed in an endearing way. Dreams that are detailed in a way that he is still there. He doesn’t want to dream, since they all remind him of the excruciating fact that they will never become a reality. He doesn’t want to wake up, because only in dreams can he reconcile with Jack. He doesn’t want to wake up, for he is always in a nightmare awake. A nightmare in which Jack’s heart will never beat again.

-

Today’s the day of Jack’s funeral. Hiding in one dark corner of Watchpoint: Gibraltar, he silently watched as the ceremony commenced. Different people, including some familiar faces, got up and shared their words. It absolutely tore him apart for how he didn’t even have the right to attend it officially. Time blurred and the ceremony is about to be done. Casket closed, locked, and lowered into the ground, kept away forever. Yet he didn’t dare to look at Jack one final time. He still didn’t want to believe that it was Jack who lied in the casket. Part of him hopes that Jack will get up, saying that he’s actually ok. But he fully knows that Jack is truly gone now.

He watched Ana in his dark corner. And that sadness... that anguish, that agony that filled her eye is enough to fill him up with guilt, making his insides twist and turn. So unbearable that he gave up keeping himself together and faded away.

-

He tries to deny it. He even tried to convince himself that he somehow stopped Jack from doing what he has done that night. But deep down, he knows the truth, and the lies crumble, like a house of card.

_I know your every step before you even think it. Always have. Always will._

But he didn’t.

-

He tries to push the blame away. He even tried to blame it on Jack. But he always ends up blaming himself...

_I suffered for his mistake._

He didn’t even realise there was a bomb because he was so entangled in the fight, the fight that Gabriel initiated.

_He left me to die._

Jack pushed him away with all his strength.

_He left me._

Caught up in the explosion, blinding supernova quickly engulfing him.

_He left me._

Jack sacrificed himself.

_He left me._

He is truly gone now...

-

He didn’t know how he functioned. He didn’t care anymore. During missions, he’d just let bullets tear him apart. He’d get in, kill the target, and get out, without caring about anything else.

This time, his recklessness got the best of him. The mission was near Watchpoint: Gibraltar, so maybe the reason why he was so careless was that he doesn’t want to think about anything, especially _him_. Broken bones, shattered rib cage, numb limbs... Reaper got away from the battlefield... barely. He used all his strength to teleport to the place where _he_ rests. He dropped on his knees due to a lack of strength. One hand on the tombstone for support, smearing blood over it, like he was trying to mark his soul there. Another hand taking off the mask, and droplets of cold tear scattered across the dirt below.

He leaned on the tombstone, an odd wave of warmth rushed over him.

“I’m coming... I’ll be there... See you soon...”

Warm tear streams down his cheeks.

_Soon_.

Finally, peacefully, he closed his eyes

-

Rays of sunlight shine through the curtain and hit Gabriel’s eyelids... again.

_Ah, pancakes again I see_ , he thought to himself. But then he realised the dimple on the side of the mattress he’s laying on. He rubbed his eyes, clearing his vision. He saw Jack, sitting on the side of the bed. Looking at him, calmly, peacefully. But it’s not the golden-haired angel beaming with love that lived only in his memories. No, this is the Jack that pushed him away from that explosion, the silver-haired Jack with two deep diagonal scars across his weary face, across his nose and lips, below his pale and tired eyes.

“I know...” Jack opened his mouth and said. He must have noticed the fear and shock that took over Gabriel’s face.

It’s been too long, too long since he’d last seen this Jack that he was completely stunned. But that didn’t stop the small bit of hope that sparked within him. It feels so real, so visceral, that he desperately wants to talk back. A million word soared through his brain. An apology, an “I miss you”, a declaration of love, anything. But he couldn’t get himself to speak. Instead, he feels tear dripping down his face, drawing two silver lines down his face, before dropping onto the sheets below. Through his blurry vision, he sees that Jack is also slightly tearing up, he must’ve heard what he wanted to say. Maybe some words do travel across space and time.

That’s when Gabriel surged forward, one hand grabbing the back of Jack’s head, the other holding onto his shoulder through Jack’s back. His face buried against Jack’s neck. He’s sobbing uncontrollably now. Slowly, Jack also wrapped his hands around Gabriel.

“I m-missed you, s-so much...” Gabriel sobbed out, hands holding on tighter like Jack is about to perish any second.

“I know. Me too.”

“I-I love you! A-always!”

“I know. Me too.”

“I’m so, so s-sorry... For everything...”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“J-Jack?”

“Yes, Gabe?”

“Please don’t leave me again...”

Jack placed his hands on Gabriel’s shoulders and pushed him back slowly before putting his hands on his cheeks and brushing his tears off with his gentle thumbs.

“I’m here now. We’ll go through this together.”

_I’m here now._

The smile on Jack’s face... It is his oxygen. It is his sun, shining beams of golden sunlight, giving him warmth, giving him comfort, giving him a home.

_We’ll go through this together._

The words echo in his eardrums, like glittering stars in the night sky. Promising to be his night light in the dark, not letting him get lost in the darkness, guiding him home.

The familiar white light will come. But this time, he will embrace it, because he is home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are very very much appreciated. Like last time, please feel free to visit me on Twitter [@hammytron](https://twitter.com/hammytron/status/1314263420309397504?s=21) to see the insights on how this fic came to be!  
> That said, I hope you enjoyed this one and I’ll see you next time!


End file.
